


grind against your bones until our marrows mix

by addtastic



Series: the awful edges where you end and I begin [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BUCKETS OF ANGST, M/M, Nightmares, Pre-Season/Series 03, derek might have the feels, fuck buddies, is bad at them, precious emotionally constipated idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 09:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5492825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addtastic/pseuds/addtastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is starting to crack and shatter and Derek is hiding the glue in the glove box of the Camaro.</p>
            </blockquote>





	grind against your bones until our marrows mix

Derek’s clawed fingers dug into the steering wheel of his Camero. He was parked at the same spot as always. Half a block away from Stiles’ house. Out of sight, out of mind. Listening to Stiles scream broke something that he thought had been burned out of him years ago. All the restraint he had was forcing him to remain in the car and not run to his side. Stiles had made it implicitly clear that Derek was not wanted anymore. And Derek understood. He heard Stiles loud and clear and he couldn’t blame him.

Stiles was young, he wasn’t ruined in the ways that Derek was. There was no way in good conscious that he could let Stiles believe that Derek could be something he wasn’t. He wasn’t the guy that stayed over. He wasn’t they guy that made things better. He _was_ the guy that could fuck all the bad shit away for an hour or two. But after that? Derek wasn’t much of anything.

The ragged heartbeat sounded like it was bouncing around in his brain. The frantic, maddening rhythm alerting Derek to the distress that he knows Stiles is in. More than anything he wants to feel that heartbeat under his lips. To drag his teeth over the pulse point on Stiles’ neck and hear the hitch of breath that would accompany it. And after when Stiles is panting and still under him, Derek would listen with an ear to his chest as his pulse grew steadier and steadier until it was calm and steadfast, aching for sleep.

In a perfect world Derek would stay there, sated and sweaty until they were both asleep. Wrapped around each other searching solace in the way that they tightly gripped the illusion of normality they found together. But this wasn’t a perfect world. Far from it. He would stay put and listen to the suffering he knew at some point would be cause by him, if it wasn’t already.

Yet, before he knew it, his phone was in his hand. He typed quickly, without thinking about it too much, **_Unlock your window_.** It was short and to the point and sent before Derek thought on it too much. He was being selfish, but it was hardly the first time. Maybe he could make Stiles forget for a while. Maybe he could make himself forget.

It wasn’t a minute before his phone buzzed with a response.

_**Fuck you.** _

Derek was already walking to the blue house down the block. Slipping into the back yard just in time to hear the lock on the window click he couldn’t help the smirk, the tension uncurling in the pit of his belly. The side of the house was easy to scale and the absence of the police cruiser in the driveway told him he didn’t need to be quiet.

Stiles was standing in the middle of the room with his arms crossed over his chest when Derek stepped in through the window. The circles under his eyes sent a pang of something resembling guilt though Derek and he recoiled a bit. “What the fuck do you want?” Stiles asked unmoving. And Derek looked at him, shrugging off his jacket. “What Derek? Use your words.” Derek shook his head and took two steps towards Stiles, who only glowered or as close to glowering one to get while wearing comic book pajama bottoms.

“I was serious. This isn’t happening again.” Derek nodded. “You need to leave.”

“Get in bed, Stiles.” His voice was soft, which startled the boy, eyes widening ever so slightly.

“Leave.”

Stiles didn’t put up any more protest, he was exhausted. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched Derek with a raised eyebrow. Challenging as ever. Derek wanted to kiss him.

So he did.

The sound of relief from Stiles that he swallowed hit him like a punch to the stomach. He didn’t want to pull away, but he needed to. Stiles needed to sleep. So just like ripping off a bandaid Derek was two feet away in the span of a blink, looking as uncomfortable as he felt. “I’ll stay.” he muttered.

Dazed, Stiles cocks his head, “Huh.” He said and rubs at the back of his head “Why?”

It was selfish, really, the reason for Derek’s change of mind. He would sleep better if he wasn’t constantly up listening to Stiles’ distressed heart rate. Deep down this wasn’t for Stiles, but it should be. So much of their relationship was mutually beneficial: the research, saving Scott at all costs, the sex...Maybe Derek had been a little rash in deciding that he would draw the line at sharing a bed for a few hours. _Intimacy_ his head screamed at him as he toed off his shoes, _run_.

No, this wasn’t intimacy, this was a favor.

Favors weren’t declarations.

Favors didn’t require feelings

Stiles was shaking his head, shoulders slumped in defeat. At the end of the day he was just a kid that was still so naive to the world. It made Derek feel like a predator, like an entirely new breed of monster.

“Because you need to sleep. You’re worthless without it.” The _so am I_ was left unsaid and hung in the air between them, buzzing around the edges of thought like a mosquito.

Derek smelled the anger before he saw Stiles’ hands flex. The brutal truth of the matter was that Derek was right, he was worthless. But the reasoning differed greatly from Stiles’ logic and the truth. Being human put him at a disadvantage already. Being young, inexperienced only added to making Stiles for a liability in a fight than a asset. Negative outweighed positive. But every time Stiles refused to back down from anything the scales shifted. That loyalty was worth more than any speed or agility or supernatural ability.

Slowly, as if approaching a startled animal, Derek sat next to Stiles on the bed and Stiles deflates. “I’m so tired.” He whispers into the quiet. Derek nods.

“Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like an emo kid writing this.  
> it's cool though.  
> More to come maybe some feels, probably more constipation. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
